In Which I Am an Over-Achiever

Yesterday was quite the day. Best Friend left, Ben had a birthday, and I was not feeling well. I am pretty sure it was a severe sugar hangover coupled with a sore throat and generally yucky feeling.

Source

 So, as you may expect, after a blow-out weekend with Best Friend in town, and feeling like Death's slightly warmer friend, Pestilence, I was not up for a big birthday celebration. Plus, Ben doesn't actually care about his birthday and forgot it was coming and didn't really want to do anything.

Nevertheless, I feel incredibly guilty that I didn't arrange something more exciting than curry on the couch watching the movie I bought him for his birthday. I feel like a bad wife for not planning in advance and making him excited about it (not that I've ever seen him excited about anything that wasn't architecture related, generally he only is slightly less ambivalent, and that's how you tell he's stoked about something). Worse, for my birthday, I got an engagement ring. For his? He got Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. And I know the thought of wearing jewelry creeps him out, so I couldn't get him the same thing, but those weren't even on par.

So, even though we are 10 months out from our spectacular-spectacular event, I am already practicing being a bad wife. How's that for over-achieving?

Best Friend Time!

Hi! I still love you all but....my Super-Bestest-Friend is here! Visiting me! For the first time in a year (and then some)! So, I'm busy. I'll see you later, but I'll leave you with some best friend action.



You can thank me later.

At What Point Does It Stop Being A Theme and Start Being A Costume Party?

You know how they say there is a thin line between genius and insanity? I think that line is even thinner between theme and costume party. This is a line I struggle with, because I really love a theme. I fact, once upon a time, when Ben and I got together it involved hosting a Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou themed party. A party that may have crossed the line (the apartment was decorated with hand made fish and a jaguar shark cake was served). Have I mentioned that we are Wes Anderson fans? No?

Source

So, as you may have noticed as you peruse the wedding blogs the "blog chic" aesthetic that I love so, usually has some sort of organizing theme, be it a color, or a design motif, or a logo, or a very clearly expressed theme. Examples:

Color

 

 

Design Motif

 

 

Theme

 

 

See? Lots of adorable happening there. My problem is knowing when enough is enough. Because we all love Breakfast at Tiffany's but we don't want to all stand outside in black evening gown and tiara's and only eat breakfast pastries and drink champagne. And listen to Moonriver of repeat. And have long cigarette holders as favors. And maybe those eyemasks with eyelashes on them. And ivitation that look like the movie poster. Or maybe we do? Because that all sounds really cute to me!!! You see where I get into trouble? That's not even the theme I was thinking of personally, that was just an example off the top of my head. Imagine if I spent months thinking about it.

Sigh. Since I clearly have a hard time holding myself back once I get on a role, I have decided to follow the immortal fashion advice that my mother says comes from Coco Chanel: when you are all dressed and ready to go, look in the mirror and take two things off. If I apply that diligently to my planning. I should be able to tone things down enough that we get "cute" and not "cute for a four year old's birthday party."

Anyone else out there getting carried away with their theme?

Where the Magic Happens

So where was I? Oh right, talking about my wedding.

Since my venue was the decision that most concerned me (obsessed me? Whatever.) it was the one I needed to take care of right away. Plus there is the paranoid panic that all the good places will be taken if I don't book my place right now. A year +2 month out. Because that really happens. In a major metropolitan city. Where there can only possible be like 5 good venues. Anyhoo...

When I visited my family in Chicago right after my engagement (literally 2 weeks after), I arranged appointments at my top 2 places, both restaurants with good outdoor dining space, found through TimeOut Chicago. Visit 1 was to Piccolo Sogno.

Piccolo Sogno:

Inside (source)

 

Outside (source)

 

 

 It was lovely, absolutely charming. The back patio area was like a fairy tale forest, all the trees were wrapped in twinkle lights. I really liked the space, plus there was on-site parking. However, at our budget, it would have to be a early afternoon wedding with brunch reception. And though they were very friendly, the customer service didn't make me confident that they were comfortable having a wedding. They were very unsure about the details and couldn't give me a straight answer about a vegan/vegetarian menu. 8/10

Volo Wine Bar:

Inside and Out (source)

 Volo was great. Its a little edgier, a little more hip. The outdoor space is a great cobblestone courtyard with cabanas and a "barn" (which is pictured above). Cozy, urban rustic, and at a great price. The size was also much more suited to my tiny wedding. Even better, this restaurant/wine bar is gaining some popularity as an off-beat wedding venue, so they have hosted several weddings and are confident about doing so. They will also act as a day of coordinator AND have had several vegetarian events. AND they have this adorable private wine cellar to get ready and take pictures and have some private time. AND did I mention the cabanas? Can you envision how adorable they are (perhaps by looking at the picture above with the bride and groom seated in the cabana)? No? Ok here's a (nother) picture:

Barn and Cabanas (source)

The cabanas line one side of the courtyard and lead up to the barn, both pictured (a bit fuzzily above). 10/10

So, those are the reviews. Can you guess which one I chose? Is the anticipation killing you? I know me, too!

The winner is: VOLO Wine Bar!!!!!!! Yay!

I was (and still am) completely in love with my venue. I feel much more excited about it that the dress shopping (for now...). How did/do you feel about you venue? Were you excited about it, or just excited to get it crossed off the list?

I'm taking a stand against tradition

Great Love Songs That Are Completely Inappropriate for My Wedding, Pt. 3:


I mentioned that Ben and I are paying for this wedding thing ourselves, and that the joy of that is that you can take a stand against things you hate (I totally just erased that word, since it seemed a little strong, and then realized, no, I meant hate, and put it back in) and your parents like, and since they aren't paying, you win. Yay! So, I acknowledge that what I am about to say may be somewhat controversial. I will remind you that these are songs that are inappropriate for my wedding, you do what you want at yours.

I am taking a stand against Paradise By The Dashboard Light by Meatloaf, a perennial wedding favorite, and one song that my mother specifically requested. And I said "No." (I also felt like a bad daughter for saying it, because, really, it's such a little thing but I really really don't like it for my wedding).




Ok, I get it. It's funny. It's wedding related. It's a classic. It's also eight minutes long, which is like an eternity. And it's not nice about marriage. And we aren't getting married because I put out. And Ben better not be praying for the end of time. And I really want to tear my hair out everytime the baseball player announcer part comes on. Sorry, Mom.

P.S. How hysterical is this video of Meatloaf? I love the "sultry" faces he keeps making at the camera.

Further Notes from the Planning Underground

Top Secret dispatches from within the Bureau. Transcript below from top agents. Burn after reading.


Sister to Self: If I had 18 brothers and sisters, I really don't think I would be able to remember all of their middle names. Or their birthdays.

Self to Sister: An excellent point. Thank you for sharing. Was this apropos of anything?

Sister to Self: Oh, sorry. Commercial for 18 kids and counting. One of the kids yelled at the other using their entire name. I was impressed she remembered.

Self to Sister: Well, do you know my middle name and birthday (with correct spelling)? Or how about Mister's, since in 10 months, he'll be family?

Sister to Self: Good point. I should put his birthday in my phone calendar. When is it?

Self to Sister: The 16th. And isn't that weird? After a whole life of not having to use the word brother, you'll have a brother-in-law.

Sister to Self: Of what month? Yes, that is weird. It sounds very grown up. Like how I wanted glasses and a cast while I was in grade school because they seemed so cool, I wanted an in-law like other people had.

Self to Sister: This month. Like in 11 days. Which is why we were talking about presents. I know right!? Glasses seemed so cool. So did braces, until you got them. Hope brother-in-law turns out better for you.

Sister to Self: At least braces got us out of first period and gave us an excuse to get BurgerKing breakfast. I'm sure Mister can at least live up to that.

Self to Sister: I don't know. Do you remember how good a Croissan'wich is?

Public Displays of Affection

In spite of the glaring evidence to the contrary (as in I write a open-to-the-public blog), I am pretty private regarding my relationship with Ben. I don't really talk about the state of our union with anyone that is not Ben. I'm happy to tell people what's new or what we are up to (activities, dinners we've made, Halloween costumes), but I just don't talk about how we're feeling or any issues we have. I think it's good and healthy that we have a strong relationship without input from a variety of people with whom we share our personal business. Maybe it's because I didn't have a lot of close girlfriends when we got together, so I just never got in the habit. Maybe I am, much to my surprise, actually a private sort of person (though I somehow doubt that). Who knows. I just know that I am comfortable with our relationship being between just the two of us.

A wedding (and really, a marriage) flies in the face of that privacy. It is a big, messy, public declaration of feelings with lots of input and opinions and contribution from other people. AND, as many a wise person has said before I, you don't just marry a person, you marry their family. So my nice, cozy, private relationship for two is about to get much more public. Sigh.

In all fairness, I want to share this with my closest family and friends. I want to make my public declaration that this is IT, and we are in it for the long haul. There are just a few things about it that make me a little uncomfortable. The big one right now is the vows.

I am not a traditional sort of girl, we are not having a traditional wedding, and the vows that go along with traditional ceremonies just don't seem like us. Which usually means writing your own vows. So, that's the route we're going. But every time I think about standing up in front of everyone I know and talking about my  feelings, my very private feelings, I feel very uncomfortable. Like squirming on your chair, red faced, Oh-God-please-let-lightening-strike-this-building-before-they-call-on-me uncomfortable. Isn't sharing all of that in front of everyone including his MOM really embarrassing? Can't I just read I Like You by Sandol Stoddard Warburg? It pretty much sums it all up, in charming verse.

Source

Has anyone else struggled with personal vows? Am I the only one uncomfortable sharing something so...personal?

And so I leave you with words of wisdom (and potentially my vows):

I like you because I don’t know why but
Everything that happens is nicer with you
I can’t remember when I didn’t like you
It must have been lonesome then
I like you because because because
I forget why I like you but I do
-I Like You by Sandol Stoddard Warburg

In Which We Do Not Get Engaged

It's time for another confession here at WCBTWCB; be prepared to encounter another embarrassing personal revelation. Ready? I may, may, possibly, be a bit of a control freak. Just a bit. Case in point: The Big Romantic Trip We Took From Which I Totally Intended To Return From Engaged.

Once upon a time, in the distant time of 2009, Ben and I booked a romantic vacation to Rome, the eternal city. It was bought for a Valentine's day present and we'd be there at the end of summer, just in time for our 4-year anniversary. I think no one would be surprised if I had visions of sparkly rings dancing in my head. One may have been slightly more surprised to hear me explicitly stating that I fully expected to return with said sparkly ring happily ensconced on my finger. But hey, I believe in open communication and fully letting your partner know your needs. And what I needed was a great, romantic engagement story. Here I was conveniently setting one up for him, no work on his part needed. See how nice and helpful I am?

Romantic Roma

So I had my master plan and was carefully working toward executing it, when the unexpected happened. Now, in retrospect, and considering the state of things in general now, it wasn't that unexpected. But boy, did it feel like it at the time. Yes, my friends, Ben lost his job. We went from excitedly planning our vacation (and wedding, in my head) to "Oh my God!!!!!! How are we going to pay our bills!!!!!!" The number of exclamation points is no exaggeration. Unsurprisingly, my engagement ring/romantic Roman engagement plan was no longer a priority, as illustrated by this chart:

As you can see, my ring (or really, my imaginary ring, since it had not yet been bought, but was clearly on the "to purchase" list) ranks very high on the FUN axis, but quite low on the Bill Payment axis. Net result: No ring.

So, in spite of my excellent planning, helpful suggestion that I would like to be engaged, and great set up, things outside of my control came in and ambushed my engagement plan. ARRRGH! However, I graciously still went to Rome (I mean we already bought the tickets, why waste them :) ), had a fantastic time, and just had to wait until we were all gainfully employed and could pay for our engagement ring and wedding.

Roman Holiday! (source)

You Have To Start Somewhere

The obvious place to start planning your wedding is by getting engaged. And once you are liberated to start discussing your wedding plans in public, instead of just going over them in your head, everyone buys the magazines, and starts collecting inspiration and information and looks at time lines and blah,blah,blah.

Are you sure this road take me to my wedding? (Source)

That is where the dream planning happens. But the real planning, with deposits and contracts and so forth, starts somewhere else. Maybe it's location, or colors, or the date. For me the first decision, from where all other decisions flowed, was location. Before I could figure out what my dress would look like, what my decor and colors and  DIY projects would be, what flowers I would have, I need to know where it would be. For some brides, this is an easier decision, as in they are getting married in their home church or the place where all their family members got married. Done. For me it was like the scavenger hunt from hell.

As I previously discussed, I knew I was looking in Chicago and for a cool restaurant. I knew I wanted outdoor space. I knew I would know it when I saw it. But until I found it, I really didn't feel like I could plan anything else, because what if I found a dress I loved, but it was too formal for the location. Or flowers and decor, but they clashed with the location. Or...(please cue mental montage of tacky mismatched weddings).

Finding a location was sort of my obsession for the first month of our engagement, especially since I would be making a trip to Chicago and wanted to take this chance to check things out. I was googling up a storm! Ben received anywhere from 5 to 20 emails a day with the subject "What about this one?" with a link/picture. I don't even think he opened them by the end of the month. However, by the end of the month, with the help of the excellent TimeOut Chicago Alfresco Dining Guide, I had narrowed down my list of places to visit and I was off to Chicago.

What was your big decision that directed planning?

She's Just Not That In To You

A confession. I feel like I'm not into this wedding planning things as much as I should be. I am so ready to be married to Mr. Wonderful. I am excited to change my name (even considering all the annoying paperwork). I am really anxious to get to say things like "my husband." I'm just not that excited to plan the actual event, mostly because I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Source

I feel like wedding have become such a huge big deal, where it has to be perfectly designed and original and handcrafted and "you" and it's a whole lot of pressure. Even planning for a small wedding. All the details, the favors, the bespoke invitations and perfectly coordinated but not matching bridesmaids dressed. And I really want all that, but the thought of doing everything that has to be done to get that makes me want to pull the covers back up over my head.

Maybe a part of it is that I'm still along way out, so I have a lot to plan, but I can't do any of it so early, so every new idea or detail is just another line on a To-Do list that can't be done (yet). As many a bride before me have discovered, planning a wedding is a lot of work! Anyone else out there suffering planning fatigue?

Things That May Be True, But Are Best Kept To Yourself

Great love Songs That Are Completely Inappropriate For My Wedding, Pt 2:

I'm not a music snob. I (like most people) regularly find out about new, cool bands I like from Starbucks, or Apple commercials, or hip new movies and shows. And if any of you have seen the commercials for the new movie It's Kind of a Funny Story, I'm pretty sure you instantly ran to google the song in the commercial, listened to the song and fell in love with Ida Maria. I did, too, it's kind of an awesome song.



So imagine my surprise when, not a week after I found this song, I was listening to my favorite radio station (WRXT, a Chicago station) and they played a new awesome song that I had never heard before and it was another Ida Maria song. So obviously, I googled it, iTunes-ed it, and sent the YouTube video to all I know (who are also bored at work). Let me share it with you.



Yes, friends, I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked. It's catchy, it'd be fun to dance and or drink to. A great party song. Not so much a great wedding party song. I think it might give the wrong impression about why we have chosen to be brought together in holy matrimony. Plus, I think my mother would have a heart attack. AND it may incorrectly give the impression that I smoke or condone smoking. Which I don't, in front of my mom.

Lyrics to I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked:
Oh the clever
things I should say to you
They got stuck somewhere
Stuck between me and you

Oh I'm nervous
I don't know what to do
Light a cigarrette
I only smoke when I'm with you

What the hell do I do this for?
You're just another guy
OK, you're kind of sexy
But you're not really special

But I won't mind
If you take me home
Come on, take me home

I won't mind
if you take off all your clothes
Come on, take them off

'Cause I like you so much better when you're naked
I like me so much better when you're naked
I like you so much better when you're naked
I like me so much better when you're naked

You Are What You Eat

And by that I do not mean I am a carrot or tofu, but I am a vegan. Yep. No meat, no dairy, no eggs, no gelatin. No fun according to many friends and family. Which leads to: What do you serve for dinner?

Source

I think this is one of those things that people fall into two camps over, The It's My Wedding, I'll Do What I Damn Well Please Camp vs. The You Have To Make Your Guests/Parents Happy Crew. As previously discussed, it's my wedding, I'm paying for it and I'll do what I damn well please. However, what I please is a great party where everyone is happy and having a good time. Thus, a quandry.

I want, need, and plan to eat at my wedding, thus vegan food must be served. I would prefer if my guests were not forced to sneak out to McDonald's to grab a hamburger so they aren't starving. Especially since there are only 35 people invited, and sneaking would be pretty hard to manage. One way I am planning to manage the food issue is to not serve seated dinner, so when it's more of a heavy hors-d'oeuvres event, there isn't the blatant lack of a "Main Dish" i.e. steak or chicken.

I know that food can be a big issue for a lot of brides, especially those planning cross-cultural/interfaith events, and I think many of the popular wedding trends are a great solutions.

Food stations let you serve a variety and let your guests pick and choose what they want. I also think they encourage people to get up and circulate. A drawback can be that they interrupt a traditional itinerary, with speeches and toasts.

Family style serving brings out platters, which once again let's people pick and choose and encourages your guests to talk and get to know one another. The drawback is that for some reason, many venues really don't like this set up (which seems like it would be easier to me, but what do I know).

Cocktail Receptions are also getting popular, they save big money and are less fussy and formal. I think this is a great set up for a smaller wedding, since people really are circulating and can nibble and eat as they please. I would be worried how that would work for a larger event though, especially when it's time for first dances and cake cutting and the rest.

So, for all of us out there planning problem-food receptions, it seems like there are a lot of options. What would you go for?

And a vegan joke, because I can't help my self (that tofu btw):

Source

THE $10,000 GIRL: Pt.2 In which cost saving locations are found

When I first started contemplating a location, I thought somewhere unusual and off the beaten path could be a lot of fun. I love the very blog-chic picnic/garden party/at home in a gorgeous backyard wedding. For example:

Source

They seem so charming and relaxed. It might help that they are beautifully designed and detailed (probably not, though ;) ). I initially was determined to have my outdoors, non-conventional location wedding, not only for looks, but for cost savings. As we all know, that mentioning the word  wedding doubles any price estimate (2 tiered cake = $500, 2 tiered wedding cake= $1200, rent a venue= $600/4 hr., rent a wedding venue= $1000/4 hr. Maybe brides are twice as much of a pain to deal with...). I thought/hoped that booking a place that was not a "wedding" venue, or having a backyard wedding , would save big bucks, so we could spend more on fun things, like my dress, or open bar, or my dress, or the honeymoon, or my dress. And in theory we could. It would mean serious amounts of planning, and gathering, and stockpiling to have the seats and the tables and the catering all arranged for such an off-beat place. While I can optimistically say that I could handle that, the problem is I live across the country so would have to haul my tush and my wedding stockpile across the country just to get it there. Plus I would have to stockpile in a NYC apartment. Back to the drawing board.

So blog chic is out, but I still wanted non-conventional, not least of all because I'm an atheist (or failed Catholic as my mother says), as is Ben, and a church is not an option. Since outdoor/park/home venue was eliminated by the amount of bargain hunting and storing OR  the cost and hassle party rentals, I wanted to find a place that would be totally equipped, not too costly, and still pretty unique. It seems like a tall order, but the solution was pretty easy: cool restaurant.

So now the problem was finding a great location with amazing (vegan) food, from halfway across the country. Piece of cake, right?

Notes from the Planning Underground

Top secret dispatches from the Covert Bureau of Wedding Planning and DIY Catastrophe Prevention. Please take care ensure the secrecy of all documents.
 

Sister to Self: Note to self (in that the line between you and I is becoming less distinct) for paper crafts we are going to need a self-healing mat and a rotary cutter to really streamline things.

Self to Sister: I think i have a self-healing mat. I'll double check on the rotary cutter.

Self to Mister: Do we still have your big self healing mat and a rotary cutter?

Mister to Self: I can't say that I have seen the self-healing mat in a long time.  As in, I think it was swiped from studio long time ago.

And we do not have a rotary cutter.

Sounds like you and Sister are up to no good.

Self to Mister: Of course we are. A trip to Michaels then.

Self to Sister: No go on the goods. A shopping trip will be required. And Mister thinks you are up to no good.

Sister to Self: Why is that?!? It's not like I asked for a box cutter. With a self-healing mat and a rotary cutter, I think I could triple production speed.

Self to Sister: What can I say, he has a dark and suspicious mind. Probably because he knows us. Michaels?

Let's Make Sweet Music

Please welcome the inaugural post of a new series: Great Love Songs That Are Completely Inappropriate for My Wedding. This series will visit songs I like/love that probably won't be played in a setting that will require me to explain the lyrics to my grandmother. Without further ado...


I am a life long Beatles fan, and think they have mastered the art of the love song. From All You Need Is Love to I Want To Hold Your Hand, my favorite, Something, and Ben's favorite, Here Come's the Sun, you could pretty much have a Beatles themed wedding and not hit a foul note. With one big, notable exception: Why Don't We Do It In The Road.



Fortunately, discussing the lyrics and why they are inappropriate is pretty simple in this case because they consist of one phrase, repeated. A lot.

Why don't we do it in the road
Why don't we do it in the road
No one will be watching us
Why don't we do it in the road


Now, while we can argue that I have a dirty mind, and nothing in the song is explicit, I think this song is clearly about sexy times. And I don't like to share my sexy times with my family. It's just not a family bonding activity. Furthermore, I think John, Paul, George and Ringo are giving really bad advice. I think doing it in the road is a bad idea and a sure recipe for road rash on your tush.

And just because no one is watching, doesn't mean public sexy times are a good idea.

Our Very First Proposal

Once upon a time, there was Ben and Kathryn. Ben was a studious graduate student. He worked hard, going to class, working on projects, being a research assistant and scholar. He would stay up late at night, working by the pale blue glow of his monitor, forgetting to eat and sleep. He was sustained by a steady diet of frozen burritos, ravioli from a can, and his love of Kathryn.

Kathryn was a newly minted graduate, bright eyed and going out into the world with her very first big girl job. She worked regular hours, had income and paid vacation, and loved Ben, which is why she was living in some lame college town, instead of the big city as planned. She learned that she loved to cook, and go to the markets, and not having homework.

So life was just swell for our young heros, when an exciting right of passage arrived for Kathryn: her first company Christmas party. Timid in the face of this new challenge, and endowed with a plus-1 invitation, Kathryn brought Ben to aid her, and be her designated driver. Having heard epic tales of Christmases past, she was prepared for a bacchanalian feast, where food would would be great (lobster with a side of lobster tail please!)and wine would flow like wine! Determined to be a good little professional, she would be sure to eat, be merry, and be sober.

As the evening progressed Kathryn and Ben schmoozed, circulated and generally had a nice time. Food was good, Christmas gifts and joy were received by all. Kathryn even bonded with her all male co-workers. So well, that when they progressed to phase 2 of the Christmas party, the boozy phase, she was invited to join. Remembering her desire to not get shmamered, Ben politely suggested she abstain from Phase 2. Kathryn said "Whatyou think I can't hold my liquor?" Co-workers said "Oh, so you can't hold your liquor?" Challenges were issued, gauntlets thrown and co-workers ambled over to the bar for festive holiday shots!

(From this point on we rely entirely on Ben's testimony, as Kathryn has no recollection of the following events):
As Team Coworker made their way over to the bar, Ben stayed behind with fellow sober husband, who just smiled and shook his head. While the two made small talk and compared how delightful their (now tipsy) partners were and how the Christmas party always ends up being quite the event (meaning there is gossip for weeks to come). As the men have their manly chat, talking about their ladies, the ladies proceeded to become less and less lady like with each round of shots, until boisterously, they closed the place down. At this time, Ben kindly stepped in to escort a very cheerful and affectionate Kathryn home.

What happened next is matter of much debate since only one of the two involved parties recalls the exchange.

As Ben and Kathryn make their way to the car, Kathryn declared her undying love. And then, quite insistently stated "Let's get married!" Yes, Kathryn proposed. In a loving and meaningful way (according to she-who-cannot-remember). Ben, master tactician that he is and was, politely suggested the conversation wait until morning. Again, Kathryn insisted that they should get married and proceeded to be VERY INSULTED that Ben did not want to get married. She went to sleep/passed out angry.

In the morning, true to her magical form, she awoke bright eyed and bushy tailed, oblivious to last night's discussion. As Ben arose, groggy (and perhaps a bit cranky), he cautiously asked if she had a nice time last night.

"Great!" she chirpped.

"And are you still upset?" he queried.

"About what?" Kathryn wondered.

"...um, your proposal?" Ben replied.

"HUH!?"

fin

Thus ends the story of the first time Kathryn asked Ben to marry her. This is not the official proposal story. But perhaps the funniest.

To the Exotic Land of...Illinois

I briefly mentioned that I am currently a New Yorker, though a Chicagoan by birth (well, really a Floridian by birth and a Chicagoan by upbringing, but that really is besides the point. Yet, for some reason  I feel the need to clarify, making an issue out of a non-issue, because only my sisters would read this and say "That's not technically true, you know," since none of you would know the difference. I digress). Since my family, as well as Ben's, still live in the Chicago area, we thought it would be more fun and less hassle if we had our wedding Chicago, since then only we would need to travel and we would get to be the out of town guests. It was a good idea. Completely wrong, but a good idea.

The joys of planning a wedding where you live are that you can check out local vendors, meet with lots of different people, go to tastings, walk by shops and make fun vendor discoveries, go to local bridal events and meet local experts to advise you. Fun! You get to be involved, you can take things bit by bit, get in a couple vendors or appointments a week, if needed.

The joy of planning a destination wedding is that, for the most part, you can get someone to do it for you. This isn't universally true, but loads of destination weddings are at a resort or a big venue. They have a planner, and have done lots of weddings. They tell you your options, you pick, they take care of details, like wedding license, and transportation, and lodging. Super fun! A beautiful wedding, a wedding planner from your venue, and for the most part, it's out of your hands [which may or may not drive you crazy, depending on how much control you like. I am very good at letting other people deal with things for me :) ].

I have neither a local nor a destination. I have a semi-destination wedding, in that I will have to travel, I get to plan from a distance, I have to find vendors and make decisions sight unseen. "But wait!" you may say, "This is exactly the perfect reason to get a wedding planner!" Oh, dear reader, how right you are. This is a perfect case for a wedding planner. Alas, I have a budget. And there is no line on my spreadsheet that says "wedding planner." I must go it alone.

This raises the interesting question of "How do I find my vendors?" The beginning of the process is obviously pretty standard. Everyone starts with some online research, checking the wedding sites, reading reviews, making some lists. Next usually comes the visit, to check out your favorites and revise your lists. This is where I run into problems. So I have created my Handy-Dandy-Distance-Vendor-Checklist! (list included below). This is my list that helps me evaluate whether I'll be able to work with a vendor, so I can have a short list of vendors-of-note to visit on the brief occasions I'll be in Chicago before the wedding.

The Handy-Dandy-Distance-Vendor-Checklist
Do they have a user friendly website, with pictures, information, and reviews?
When I call them, do they answer or get back to me quickly?
Do they reply to my emails quickly?
If I contact them a second time, do they know who I am, or do I have to re-explain everything?
Are they willing to work with me almost exclusively by phone/email?
Can they email me samples (sample contracts, portfolios, sample menus)?
Are they comfortable/experienced with weddings*?
Do they seem knowledgeable, i.e. none of my questions are very surprising to them?
Do we connect, i.e. they get what I'm going for look and experience-wise?

*This was particularly important of my venue and officiant, since I wasn't going to be able to be there a lot, I wanted to be confident that they had a wedding under control, so I could show up and things would be where I told them.

And so with list in hand, I head out into the fray, to secure my vendors.

Is This Inspirational?

When I first started thinking about what I wanted my wedding to be like I had a really hard time putting it into words. I wanted it to be cool and urban, laidback and a little vintage without being "retro," sort of like my ideal version of myself. There wasn't really a catchphrase or theme I could come up with to describe it to people. Enter Exhibit A:

So. This is where the awkward pause usually comes in. It's OK, don't feel bad, I know its weird and you are doing a good job of  "If you can't say anything nice, don't saying anything at all." This is my wedding inspiration,which, since there are NO wedding related pictures included and an odd amount of Wes Anderson, strikes some people as a bit non-bridal. Whelp, my rational is that I'm not really a bridal sort of gal. I want to throw a great party with kick-ass music and food and feel, I want everyone to have a ton of fun and walk away saying "That was a great party" I just also want to get hitched over the course of my party. And it's my party so I'll do what I want.

What my goal is, is for this whole thing to really reflect who Ben and I are. Urban, laidback, cool and  kind of vintage pretty much covers it (Well, cool is up for debate, but still). So, I think Wes Anderson flicks kind of get that vibe, and while he is the master of completely dysfunctional family stories, and thus seems like an odd choice for wedding inspiration, he is also a master of design. His movies always have the sort of retro coloring and styling I really like. He also has great fonts and titles, which Ben loves (in an obsessive, design geek sort of way), and I'd love to somehow incorporate his style into my day, whether that's in invitations, photography or some sort of signage/display at the wedding itself.

I'm not sure how it's all going to work out yet, but that's how "cool" I think our wedding should be, even if the inspiration is a wee bit less than..."inspiration board."

The $10,000 Dollar Girl

I have always been an independent soul. And by that I mean stubborn, opinionated and vocal about it. Ben politely describes it as "being a handful." I'm OK with that. It's who I am and generally, I like me. But to get to the point, I like to do things my own way and am not my usual charming self when some one prevents me from doing that.

The net result of this is I plan on having my (our) wedding my (our) way. Which means we'll be paying for it. I like it that way, because now I can involve anyone I'd like in the planning, ask for their advice as needed, and ignore it as I please. Also, I have four sisters so there was no hope of my parents going "Of course! It's your big day! Money is no object, and we'll pay for it all!" but it sounds a lot more adult when I say we'll be paying for it because I'm selfish :)

I feel like there is more and more pressure on brides to have giant, perfectly planned, super sumptuous, day-of-dreams type events, which is cool if money really is no object, but as we are starting our life together as newlyweds, I really don't want to be paying off a wedding debt as big as my student loans. I want to have a wedding we could pay for with money we actually have, which turns out to be about $10,000. In real life, that seems like a lot of money to me, but in Wedding Planning Land, it really doesn't go far.

We really had to decide what was most important to us about our wedding, what we wanted to have and what we were willing and able to sacrifice. Maybe I was born under a lucky star, but what I really wanted was to have a very intimate, very beautiful wedding. Intimate = small guest list. Small guest list = big savings! At the moment our guest list stands at about 35 people, mostly family. I'm hoping with this small crew, we will be able to have great food, good favors, great decor and, most importantly, open bar, because in the immortal words of the internet, I don't need alcohol to have fun, but why start a fire with flint and sticks when they have invented the lighter?

I have a lot of other cost saving ideas, and a lot of budget busters, in mind and will keep you updated on how they work out. Have you been able to stay on budget? Have you had to sacrifice to do it?

I Found a Song

For those of you who are far more musically inclined than I, you may have recognized the title of my blog right away. It's a line from "I Found A Reason," originally by The Velvet Underground and later covered by Cat Power. And I love it.



I'm not really a music person. I like music, I listen to it all the time, but I am the music equivalent of "I may not know art, but I know what I like." I don't research or seek out the newest hottest bands and want to know about them before you so by the time you like them I can go "OH them? I liked them but their sound has really changed, they're soooo mainstream now." Probably because I know too many people who do that. But Ben likes music, and has far better taste than I do (but that's a subject for a whole different post). So when we started thinking about our ceremony music, and I was at complete loose ends about what I'd walk in to, Ben said, "I always thought I Found a Reason (by Cat Power) was the perfect song." Ladies and gents, boy was he right. Listen to this:



So as perfect as that song is, it took me a long while to put together the fact that it is from an album called Covers is because it is a cover of another song. And I love that as well. Maybe more, or like my mom claims when I claim she love's my sister more, maybe "Just differently." Anywho, now I want to dance to that as our first dance. Too much? Just sweet enough?

Hello, World

Hi. It's awfully quiet in here, and introductions can be awkward, so I'll go first. I'm Kathryn. This is my blog. It's actually going to be my "wedding" blog, where I talk about things like getting married and how I plan to go about that, in excruciating detail. You've been warned.

I live in New York City. I'm not from here, but then, no one is. I plan on getting married in the general vicinity of where I am from, which is Chicago. It is also where my future husband is from, which I thought was very convenient of him.

Things I like:
Seasons and their accessories (Yay pumpkins!)
Naps
Exploring NYC
Kittens and their grown up counterparts
IKEA
Lula's (a vegan ice cream place)
Good books
Snack time

Things I don't like:
Unexplained delays on the subway
Rain RIGHT AFTER I blow out my hair
Stubbed toes
Bugs
Not being able to think of the word I want
Allergies

Ok, so that's me. In the future, when I'm talking about things and you're wondering what I'm like or where I am, this can give you the general idea. I'm sure more details will be forthcoming as we get to know each other, but it took me 5 years to get to know Ben (the future Mr. Kathryn) well enough to marry him, so I'm sure it will develop as we go on.